Toxic Positivity In Motherhood

How many mothers have heard the term “super mom?” Usually being a super mom classifies as someone who can handle everything with grace and ease. As a mother of four, I get told that term frequently and I want to change the narrative. I homeschool three out of four of my kids, run a blog at homeschoolingonahomestead.com, manage our homestead, and currently a student myself. That might seem like a lot, especially since two of my kids are special needs and some days it can be overwhelming. Many of you might be thinking, “Wow she can do so much and I can barely survive raising one child.” I don’t want a portion of my story to come across as someone who has every single thing figured out in life. I do not have everything figured out and for years I struggled to find balance on how to manage it all. Here are ways I have found that helped me.

  1. Meal plan and shop for groceries once a month

Around the last week of the current month, I will grab my planner and meal plan every single meal for the next month. I plan breakfast, lunch, and dinner with specific meals and my kids have two snacks a day. For our three main meals, I will write a list of all the ingredients we need and buy them once a month. For our snacks I will buy 400 snacks to last us all month. I let my kids grab which snack they want during snack time. Going grocery shopping once a month has saved our grocery bill cost since I don’t impulse buy as much if I went weekly. To see an in depth post about how we meal plan, click this link: https://homeschoolingonahomestead.com/2022/04/07/keeping-life-simple-amongst-the-chaos-meal-planning/

2. Clean multiple times a day to avoid it becoming overwhelming 

I clean three times a day instead of waiting last minute. I clean in the morning, early afternoon, and either before or after dinner. I know I have the luxury to do this since I am home more frequently than if I worked out of the home. This can also be used for working parents as well because it can be adjusted to two times a day instead. Loading the dish washer and putting away laundry counts as cleaning. Loading the dishwasher before you leave for work can help relieve some stress since you will come home to clean dishes instead of a filled sink. 

3. Reverse plan everything

Personally for me having a giant to do list can be overwhelming and make me feel like I am failing as a mother. If I see that I have thirty tasks to complete before dinner, I feel instant anxiety. I now reverse plan everything including our homeschool day. I write every single task that I accomplished that day in my planner after it is done. I will write when bills are paid, what we did during homeschooling, what cleaning I did, or any appointments we had. I can now visually see everything I did accomplish instead of seeing tasks I did not finish.

4. Embrace minimalism 

I am not saying, “go throw away or donate every single object that does not bring you joy.” I know for a fact sponges do not bring me joy, but I have to keep sponges in my house. I am saying really think about what you keep in your house. I started my minimalism journey after I got diagnosed with secondary infertility. After I got diagnosed, I felt like my life was collapsing within. Once we started fertility treatments, my body changed and none of my clothes fit me. This is when I looked into ‘capsule wardrobes’ and started there. Overtime I went through everything in my house because the simpler my house was, the less chaos I felt. I really believe less can be more. My kids each have one week worth of clothes, majority of their toys fit in their toy box except the barbie house and Nugget couch, and every single object in my house has a home. Once I have items that do not have a home, I go through that area again and see what doesn’t fit my lifestyle anymore. I only buy items with intention which helps me save money and my sanity. 

5. Understand the term “super mom” is toxic positivity and doesn’t actually exist

This took me a long time to understand and for the longest time, I always thought I was never enough. It didn’t matter how much I had on my plate because my brain would tell me to do more. A lot of that is driven by my PTSD from when I first became a mom and it took me years to work through the trauma that occurred. It’s why I strongly believe that being super mom does not exist since every single mother deals with internal struggles regardless of how much we do. 

I hope these five tips help you balance everything in your life and I hope you know you are a fantastic mother. You are a great mom if you work outside the house, work from home, go to all the PTA meetings, are a stay at home mom, etc. You are keeping your children alive and watching them thrive and grow into amazing humans. If you got dinner on the table even if it is fast food, I am proud of you. If you got no laundry done, but washed all the dishes. I am proud of you. If you did nothing all day besides breastfeed or snuggle your baby all day while binge watching Netflix, I am proud of you. Every single one of you accomplished at least one thing and you are all enough. 

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